The Play is the Thing
by ss9
Summary: Response to Servants challenge, Taplows puts on a production of Much ado about nothing!
1. Chapter 1

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"No No No…Not like that at all!"

The sound of the butler's voice filled the air but for once he was not yelling at an incompetent footman over the state of the silver or scolding Johnny Boots over the condition of his livery. No he was engaged in probably the most trying experience of his life, trying to direct the first and hopefully last ever Taplows amateur production that was due to air to the Earl and his friends the very next night.

"Felix you have to make me believe what you're saying…Put some feeling behind the damn words! When it says to silence her…You have to literally do so! Dammit man it is only a stage kiss but it at least has to look like you mean it."

He added before slamming one of the open scripts onto a chair and striding on to the mocked up stage area to join the few remaining cast members, the others having already given it up for the night.

"Just put yourself in the character's position here is a woman that you have fought with for years, sniped back and forth at and you've just found out she is in love with you…This scene has to be perfect the culmination of all that built up passion as you try to force her to confess it, yet at the moment your Benedick is nothing more than a damp squib!"

"Well fine if your so damned perfect Walter why don't you do it…Perhaps then you will see that is not only my fault, the woman is impossible to work with and so are you, there is about as much passion there as a wet trout! I QUIT!" The Chef expounded dramatically before flouncing off the stage storming up to his room as the remaining cast erupted in horror.

"Quiet down everybody…I am sure Mr Kraus will come round in the meantime I will take over his part, then perhaps we can finish this dress rehearsal before dawn? Very well then from the top…" The butler insisted slipping into Benedick's position as the penultimate scene started once more his eyes skimming over the motley assembled group of servants as they ran through the scene.

"Soft and fair, friar.—Which is Beatrice?" Jarvis finally demanded as his character came into the action and he made an admirable attempt at searching for his bride to be.

"I answer to that name;" A soft Irish lilt enquired as she let her mask drop dramatically her bright eyes focused entirely on the butler. "What is your will?"

Scoffing as if in amusement Jarvis circled her as a hunter does his prey his eyes never once leaving her face. "Do not you love me?"

"Why no, no more than reason." Flora retorted sharply her voice trembling slightly as she forced out a jovial mocking tone.

"Why then your uncle, and the prince, and Claudio, Have been deceived; for they swore you did." The butler retorted as he eased into the role unable to understand just what Felix had been complaining about, this was simple. Catching the housekeeper's eye he smirked knowingly watching as Flora seemed to tremble before delivering her line with an almost desperate yearning that stirred something within him and at that moment he could not tell where the character of Beatrice took off and where Flora Ryan began.

"Do not you love me?"

"Troth no, no more than reason." He retorted simply the lines slipping off his tongue and he watched as Flora flinched at having her own words twisted and thrown back at her.

"Why then my cousin, Margaret, and Ursula, Are much deceiv'd; for they did swear you did." She snapped back. "They swore that you were almost sick for me." She added her beautiful face contorting in a sneer as she stepped forward closing the distance between them.

"They swore that you were well-nigh dead for me." He countered sharply unable to contain the raising of his voice as he stared down at her in a move reminiscent of many of their own arguments. Shaking his head the butler tried to push such thoughts aside, this was simply a play not real life he was reading far too much into it. "'T is no such matter:—Then you do not love me?" He asked once more this time softly, catching Flora's eye and holding it for one long moment he could make out the conflict in her eyes a open vulnerability before she looked away embarrassed her cheeks flushing and in that moment he knew and suddenly things began to make sense all the bickering, all the squabbling over petty issues.

"No, truly, but in friendly recompense." Flora countered but he could tell she was lying her entire posture was screaming out the very opposite was true.

"Come, cousin, I am sure you love the gentleman." Mr Adams cut in suddenly and briskly cut in breaking the intimate spell that had fallen on the couple and drawing them back to reality and away from each other.

"

And I'll be sworn upon't, that he loves her; For here's a paper, written in his hand, A halting sonnet of his own pure brain,

Fashion'd to Beatrice." George added waving around a stray scrap of paper, which he thrust at the housekeeper with more than little sense of embarrassment as she had to pretend to read and scrutinise the love note from Benedick whilst it was obvious to him that she would rather run from the room than meet his gaze.

"And here's another, Writ in my cousin's hand, stolen from her pocket,Containing her affection unto Benedick." Grace added thrusting another such note at the esteemed butler who barely glanced at it his eyes remaining locked on the flushed looking housekeeper.

"A miracle; here's our own hands against our hearts!" He whispered almost tenderly before catching the trembling Flora's hand and pulling her towards him. "Come, I will have thee; but, by this light, I take thee for pity." He added teasingly his other hand trapping her chin and forcing her to meet his gaze.

"I would not deny you;" The housekeeper replied the faint glassines in her eyes betraying the sheen of tears that were gathering but despite the tremble in her voice she managed to add a mocking. "but, by this good day, I yield upon great persuasion; and partly, to save your life, for I was told you were in a consumption."

"Peace, I will stop your mouth." The Butler cut in sharply and just as quickly he bent to silence her, feeling her slide easily into his arms and instinctively lift her face to meet his descending lips. Throwing caution to the wind Walter did not pause an inch away from her lips for the required stage kiss but covered her waiting lips with his own. It was everything he had been expecting and yet so much more, her lips were so soft and willing, and she seemed to melt right into him he hardly noticed as she ran her hands up around his neck her fingers running into his hair as the kiss intensified.

Then suddenly an embarrassed and pointed cough brought them back to earth. Embarrassed and blushing furiously the pair separated to come face to face with some frankly astonished colleagues, Mr Adams had a shocked but smug expression his face where as the footmen just looked stunned.

There was only one thing the Butler could think of to say;"There now that is how it is done properly!"

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	2. Epilogue

It had been a success, a not unparalleled success but a success nonetheless. The actors had taken their bows and he and Flora had been forced to return to the makeshift stage to take a final bow on their own at his Lordship's insistence. A grateful Earl had quickly sent them back downstairs taking the remaining credit for himself but not before the cunning butler had strong armed him into sending several bottles of champagne downstairs for a small cast party.

"A toast my friends…" Mr Jarvis called out bringing the happy chatter to a still. "To Master Shakespeare, His lordship and our humble company…May we never ever have to return to the stage again!"

That elicited raucous laughter from the group who were quickly becoming inebriated on the strong liquor. "Now please Enjoy, we have certainly all earned it." Then with the butler's approval another bottle or two were opened and the drink began to flow. Yet despite the exquisite vintage of the champagne that the butler had himself selected Jarvis had only two glasses whilst the rest of the staff decided to indulge heavily. If he was honest the reason was that he found him distracted enough by another form of intoxication. Was it over an hour ago now? It seemed like only minutes to Walter, his lips still tingled slightly it was as though every nerve ending was alive and fire was facing through his blood. Yet it would fade and all he would have was the memory.

"Oh…Well they were the stars of the show…Seeing stars if you know what I mean, a most realistic performance!" It seemed the alcohol had truly gone to his under –butler's head as Adam's deep Scottish brogue was carrying even further than normal and so more than the small circle he was conversing with overheard his comments. One person in particular seemed unduly affected by the Scotsman's coarseness as out of the corner of his eye he caught the swish of silk and the glimpse of moonlight reflected off of porcelain skin as she slipped out of the door.

Concerned Walter followed her out of the room, sneaking a half empty bottle of champagne out with him he followed her into the courtyard. It took her a few moments to spot him and when she did the look of panic on her face almost had him turning on his heel apologies on his lips for startling her, but there was something in her eyes that stopped him.

"I think since we carried everyone else we deserve the spoils." The butler insisted so as to break the embarrassed silence holding up the bottle he had purloined on his quick exit. Smiling Flora held out her empty glass letting him fill it and taking a hasty sip so as to avoid conversation.

"Another toast is in order… To the end of make-believe and getting back to normal!"

That elicited a smothered chuckle from the housekeeper who raised her glass, watching him carefully over the rim as they bother sipped. Shifting from foot to foot the butler suddenly felt a lurch as his stomach turned over, he knew they had to talk about this but he was deviled if he knew how to start, so instead he settled for clearing his throat loudly. However that seemed to have the opposite effect as Mrs Ryan practically leapt out of her skin spilling her champagne all over his jacket sleeve. Muttering her sincere apologies she quickly reached for her handkerchief to mop up her mess at the precise same moment as he moved to brush the remaining liquid off. Their fingers brushed across each other and Jarvis could barely suppress a groan, it felt like a flash of lightening had sparked between them and his pulse quickened.

Blushing furiously the housekeeper went to pull her hand out from under his but the Butler found his fingers closing involuntarily around hers holding them in place. Surprised she glanced up at him, her dark eyes wide and luminescent in the moonlight as they bored into his baby blues, she was so close, and he could feel her pulse beating fast and wild beneath his palm. Her scent filled his nostrils, rosehips and something muskier, heady and alluring, he just couldn't help himself. How on earth could he have worked all these years and not felt this inevitable pull towards her, it was though there was a string between them that kept tightening drawing them closer and closer together until they were merely inches apart. It was clearly affecting her as well, her eyes were half closed and unfocused her chin tilting towards him and then she unconsciously wetted her lips and he knew he was lost. His gaze was drawn to that perfect Cupid's bow as he lent down intent on capturing her lips once more.

However it was at that moment the drunken footmen decided to burst out of the door and ignoring the senior staff rush past half naked in the direction of the lake. Staring after them Walter watched unti they had disappeared from sight before turning back to his companion. Flora had drawn away from him; her cheeks flushed crimson with embarrassment as she sunk back into the wall and so he sought to alleviate that by giving her the way out she so desperately craved.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have…The alcohol and well the romantic side effects of our performance…"

"No…" Flora cut in dragging her eyes up from studying the floor. "I mean it wasn't your fault, if Mr Kraus hadn't pulled out when…"

"None of us would be in this mess?"

"Indeed. Well it is late." She added moving to push past him, it seemed like it was too late and it was probably for the best and yet he simply couldn't stop himself.

"Do you think I should recommend him for a raise?"

That clearly confused him and so Walter decided it was now or never. "Well if he wasn't so temperamental then I might never have had the privilege of doing this…"

Stepping quickly forward he lent down and cupped her cheek gently intending only to brush his lips against hers, a friendly gesture yet one that lingered longer than he had intended. Pulling away slightly he gazed down at her, if she was offended by his behavior no doubt he would know when her palm connected with his cheek. Yet instead she continued to lean into him, her chin tilted upwards her eyes closed so trustingly so there was only one possible course of action. Covering her lips gently he caressed them lovingly with his own, worshiping her in his own modest way relishing the feel as she slipped effortlessly into his arms and so he pulled them both into the shadow of a doorway. His fingers running up to trace her cheek and jaw before threading into her hair and pulling her into a more passionate embrace. Surprisingly Flora matched him kiss for kiss, her passion increasing with his own, and she shocked him by being the first to open her mouth to him her response so natural and artless that he swore the rest of the world faded away until she was everything; the air he breathed, the earth that nourished him and the spirit that drove him.

Finally breathless and parched the pair pulled reluctantly apart, reaching for his champagne glass Walter offered it first to her, watching in delight as her kiss swollen lips closed eagerly over the glass before offering it to him. Downing the contents quickly Walter reached for the bottle, sighing in frustration when he found it empty. "Well all good things must come to an end eventually…"

Giggling coquettishly Flora Ryan stepped closer catching the edge of his waistcoat before kissing him soundly almost possessively. Breaking the kiss she stared up at his delighted but surprised expression then leaning in closely she whispered softly " not all things Mr Jarvis", before turning and with a hungry gaze over her shoulder and a small wave disappearing into the building.

"All things come to he who waits!" Walter finished unable to keep the childish grin from his face as he returned to the party, he had suddenly the urge to make a new toast, to the future, and then to look out his dog-eared copy of Shakespeare perhaps next year he could help guide his lordship's choice, if he remembered correctly Midsummer Nights Dream had some interesting scenes he would enjoy rehearsing at length with a certain leading lady.

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	3. Epilogue 2

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Fate was something of a fickle mistress, one moment it showed you unlimited possibilities and the next the bh snatched them away from you! At least that was how it seemed to Walter Corey, butler and general man about Taplows who was suffering at the hands of fate or more to the point at the hand of fates many minions. Why else would circumstances evolve that kept him far from the side of his own lady love, the fair and rather too virtuous Flora Ryan, housekeeper and general tease of Taplows? After all no sooner had they both realised and admitted their mutual affection and attraction but they were descended on by all manner of visitors, all of whom seemed to find the company of either butler or housekeeper essential and so prevented the love struck pair from sneaking off for a quick fumble whenever it took their fancy, and it struck Walter's fancy often!

But the butler was a man of resource and ingenuity and he was not the sort to be befuddled by mere circumstance! The perfect idea had to come to him whilst he was sequestered away in his pantry, trying his best to ignore the prattle of the visiting gentlemen staff by pretending to be engrossed in his book, a rather battered collection of Shakespearian plays and sonnets. At first he decided to crib a few lines from the bard and compose a short sonnet that would send the lovely Flora swooning into his arms but he quickly realised that not only did he not have the privacy required for such a composition but that there were no reasonable rhyming words for 'lady luck' that would not get him a slap.

So it was then that he had come across his brilliant idea, it was so ingenuous and yet so simple Walter couldn't believe he had never thought of it before! Of course this may have had more to do with the several brandies that made such a daredevil idea now seem childishly simple. So with Shakespeare's finest tucked under his arm, just for reference of course, and most of Romeo's finest speech memorised the butler headed out for a quick stroll bidding the assembled gentlemen a firm goodnight.

Edging round the building Walter squinted in the moonlight, counting the windows in from the side until he was certain he had the right one. Then picking up a handful of grit and small pebbles he took aim and fired the first at his intended target. However when that failed to capture his beloved's attention the impatient butler foolhardily seized a larger pebble and let it fly. The telltale crack of glass was enough to bring even him out of his alcohol-fuelled foolishness so when the window was flung open the butler dived into the waiting shadows. Not a moment too soon as instead of his beloved's fair face gazing down at him he was presented instead with the rather disturbing image of Mrs Diggins bed capped and red-faced, hurling down abuse at whatever scallywag had disturbed her rest.

Shocked at such language coming from a lady it took a few moments after Mrs Diggins had retreated back indoors for him to realise and then he was forced to revise his plan. Realising that any further pebble throwing might alert Mrs Diggins Walter decided on a slight change of plan and he eyed up the ivy speculatively. Giving it a good tug the butler decided to chance it and so after a few false starts he managed to climb his way up to his paramour's window. Squinting in through the window he scanned the room for any sign of Flora, surprised when he caught sight of her back as she stood by the door clearly caught up in conversation with someone.

Gritting his teeth the butler waited impatiently for the door to close, the longer he waited the more he realised how precarious his position was. The wind was whistling around places he was sure had never been so airated, and he could have sworn it was much colder up here then down on the ground and was that a touch of rain? Tightening his grip on Flora's window ledge he tapped gently on the window pane, hoping his efforts would only attract her attention and not that of her guest. It seemed to be doing the job as Flora twitched slightly in the direction of the noise bidding her visitor a good night before heading over to him.

Smiling brightly despite the fact he was suspended thirty feet from the ground, secured by only a windowsill and the goodwill of a pernacious plant, Walter ducked as Flora flung the window open. For a moment the butler wracked his brain for something witty and charming to say, anythign to wipe the look of utter shock off of the housekeeper's face. "Fancy seeing you here Mrs Ryan..."

Shaking his head as Flora planted her hand on her hip's her expression turning quickly from shock to frank unamusement, Walter quickly realised if he had wanted debonair and charming then that clearly wasn't the phrase. Fumbling for the book he had brought along for just such an impasse the Butler managed to recite, "Oh Look it is my lady...Look it is my love" before the long suffering ivy began to snap under his feet.

Throwing his arms over the windowledge just in time as his footholds suddenly gave way and left the panicking butler dangling dangerously. "Help!" He managed to squeak and Flora lept to his aid, her hands gripping him under the armpits as she tried to drag the butler in through the rediculously small window. After a few minutes of pushing and pulling the butler suddenly popped through into the room sending them both crashing to the floor bringing in half of the ivy with them.

Laying still for a moment as he contemplated his aching back and scratched hands the butler at least had the consolation that it had not been entirely in vain he had at least gotten closer to Flora Ryan in the last few moments then he ever had before, and this was certainly one of the most comfortable places he had ever rested his head. However like all good things it was doomed to pass all too quickly as a moment later there was loud knocking on the door and an irate Flora rolled the reluctant butler off of her before heading towards the door.

"Oh Mrs Ryan I heard a crash are you alright?"

"I am fine Mrs Diggins I just knocked over my table..I was being clumsy."

"Do you need help to tidy up?"

"Oh No...Thank you but it is nothing serious just a few books..."

"Well if you are sure?"

"I am certain...Good night Mrs Diggins." The housekeeper added quickly slamming the door in the startled lady's maid's face.

However the butler had long since lost any interest in Mrs Diggins and instead amused himself generally nosing through Flora's possessions. It was so rare for him to gain such an intimate insight into another's private life in particular a womans. So he had rumaged through the books that were piled haphazardly on her chest of drawers, scanning the first page and searching for any inscription or dedication, not from any real fear that there was a rival for her affection but well it never hurt to know what ghosts he was up against. Then of course there were all manner of interesting nick knacks, a funny little porcelain figure, an old jewelry box spilling at the seams with all manner of broochs and pendants, and then of course there were those titilating female fripparies, stockings dying by the fire, a spare slip hanging over the back of the chair. It was only as he reached out entranced by a silken undergarment that his hand was suddenly slapped away.

Whirling around Walter came to face with a fuming Flora.

"OUT!"

Holding up his hands Walter backed up against the now closed window. "Now Flora my dear I just wanted to see you..."

"What is wrong with the stairs?"

"It's hardly as romantic."

"Or messy...And it was you who broke Mrs Diggins window I suppose?"

"Ahhh well..."

"So criminal damage as well as making a nusience of yourself!"

"Flora..." Walter began placatingly trying to wrap his arms around the housekeeper's waist. "We haven't had a moment alone in weeks."

"And It'll be weeks more Mr Jarvis...What on earth possessed you if you're caught in here then we'll both be sacked!"

"Then we'll just have to make sure we don't get caught!" Walter replied teasingly nipping playfully at her exposed neck.

"I think you should go now!" Flora insisted trying to prise his hands from found her waist. "Mrs Diggins..."

"Might still be waiting outside...So I had better wait just a little while..." Walter added catching her hands fixing her with his most puppy dog expression which quickly had her melting.

"Just a little while?"

"I promise."

"And you'll behave?"

"Naturally."

Smiling coyly Flora let him pull her over to the fireside chair and into his lap where Walter promptly took advantage after kissing her gently began to nuzzle into her neck his hands doing a rather through inventory of her other attributes.

"Walter you said you'd behave!"

Smiling against her neck Walter muttered teasingly. "I said I'd behave naturally and when I behave naturally I've never had any complaints!" He added earning him a playful slap for his cheek. "You're not complaining are you...I mean you seem to enjoy it when I do this..." Walter paused rasping his teeth against her earlobe. "And this?" He added nibbling her collarbone.

"Hmmmm. If my father were still alive he'd run you through sir!"

"That is a shame...I would have liked to meet him." Walter mumbled more intent on unbuttening her dress but her next comment definitely got his attention.

"And he'd want to know what your intentions are sir and I must admit to be a trifle curious myself."

"Ahh."

"Ahh indeed." Flora countered sharply now that she had his full attention. "After all i do think we need to come to some understanding Walter."

Tugging at his collar the butler replied nervously. "What sort of understanding did you have in mind?"

Catching his hand the housekeeper played with his fingers, biting her lip nervously. "That there will be no other dalliances...I have never been good at sharing Walter."

"Done." Walter replied quickly earning a bright smile from Flora. "I am not the sort of man to toy with a lady's affections."

"And..."

"And?" Walter coaxed when Flora blushed and couldn't continue.

"If when we...Well if there are any complications..."

"Complications?"

"Developments then." Flora added by way of clarification but still the butler drew a blank. "Oh for goodness sakes...If say after we...I mean at the moment there are only the two of us affected but when say another is involved."

"What are your trying to tell me...Is there someone else?"

"No. Oh Walter..." Flora sighed staring up at Walter's confused and distraught face. "If I get into a certain delicate condition as a result of you behaving naturally...I need to know now you'll be there."

"Oh...oooh." Walter gasped as the meaning of her words suddenly struck home. A baby. Them having a child. He had never even thought of that possibility but she was right these things do indeed happen and well the longer he thought about it, it didn't sound such a terrible idea. A son he could pass all his knowledge on to but of course it would cause a few raised eyebrows butler and housekeeper raising a family but well if anyone could manage it then they could. Gazing down at Flora he caught sight of her pensieve expression. "I'll be there...Do you want..."

"A child?" Flora finished and he nodded. "I'm not sure...I always assumed i would one day but well over the years I put it aside convinced myself that it was for the best..."

"And now?"

"And now...I think I would like your child."

Smiling Walter leant down and kissed her gently. "You know there really is no time like the present to start practising."

"Practising?" Flora giggled.

"Oh indeed we want to make sure we know how when the occassion arises."

"Well then maestro."

Not needing a second invitation Walter stood up scooping Flora up into his arms and carrying her over to the bed only pausing when in his haste he almost knocked over a whole stack of books. Giggling into is shoulder the housekeeper finally managed to gasp out. "Careful Walter remember Mrs Diggins!"

Gritting his teeth the butler retorted. "Tomorrow she moves even if it means I have to break her other bloody window!"

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End file.
